Beautiful Nightmares #4

                             Beautiful Nightmares

                         -Lauren Hammond 

 #4 MY THOUGHTS:

Now what did I think of that very ending?Well, my first thought was "What about Damien?" 

I mean, I did feel a little better, and I was very happy for them, but seriously, what about Damien?

I did n't really have a preference, I mean, you can't exactly go Team Damien vs Team Elijah like they're some effing football teams. It just does n't sit right. Also, they're both pretty awesome. And they're both an integral part of her story. Different stages, but still a integral part.

You know how each single moment in life, is like its own personal gif?

Only, that doesn't quite explain it. Its not like a continual repetition of the same event, with no room for any intervention but "FATE",

Rather, it like each moment is a being in itself.

On some plane, somewhere,that moment is just taking place. While on another, the outcome is apparent. But of course theres coincidences, and trip ups and wrong choices to take into account. 

Take for instance, 

This is so true. Its like we're shooting a scene. All scenes will not be shot in chronological order and yet, that particular scene is a part of the story. It has its place. Yet it is a separate scene in itself. 

Its a both equally horrifying and comforting phenomena. (Though really,Its just theoretical.)

Since we're on the topic, I've been contemplating something, a particular quote I came across while doing this "mental age test" Its accuracy is dubious, and being mentally 36 is a good or bad thing? Anyway, getting on track, it said:

"All reality is a phantom, And all Phantoms are real"

This oxymoron is initially quite baffling.

But as I was reading BN, I realised, its quite simple really. Phantom,as the thesaurus would explain means:  ghost, apparition, spirit, spectre, wraith,shadow; figment of the imagination, delusion, hallucination, illusion, chimera, vision, fantasy,mirage; rare phantasm. Taking "Illusion" for instance.

All this while in Insanity,everything has already come to pass and yet it has n't really happened until Adelaide accepts it. So what is "reality" really?

Are things only real if you can touch, feel, smell? Well Adelaide could. 

What really constitutes of something real? Of a occurrence?Because everything we see, is from our minds eye. It might be illusion to us, but it was n't always. It was n't a illusion then, and now that we know it was, does n't mean the illusion it self did n't exist. It did, just not in the way we thought.

Anyway, so I came to the conclusion that Damien probably ended up with the Martyrdom. And Elijah and Addy in the land of True Loves. I mean, what do we know of the afterlife? Tentative Theories aside.
Anyway, thats that. My first review COMPLETE!

Asylum Trilogy

                                 Beautiful Nightmares

                              (Asylum Trilogy)

                                  -Lauren Hammond 

#3

First of, for all those confused as to which piece fits where,

A complete summary:

Insanity:

Damien and Adelaide meet. Fall in love. Device their plan to runaway. On fated day, as they are sneaking out, Her "Daddy" catches her. 

In a fit of anger and ever-present madness, past and present colliding,and with a click of a trigger,and a shot through the barrel, and like a kaleidoscope of events, futures are shattered.

Intended victim of murder was his daughter Adelaide, but Damien lungs and takes the bullet instead. 

His face fades away,now all i see are his lips.His full pouty lips and the last words he'd ever ahve ont he tip of his tongue, "I love you"

Those words are no one else's.

They belong to me.

Forever.

Always.

No matter where he is now.

Thus commencing to the Courthouse, where Addy stands witness to the case murder, but as she speaks, her voice wavering, tears streaming down her cheeks, she glimpses at her daddy. 

Standing shameless and smug, that building bubble within her of despair,anger,guilt and various other colourful emotions years of abuse will bring forth, Burst in a torrential outpour of hysteria. 

In order to sedate her, she was bound and parcelled away to Oak hill Asylum.

Because grief stricken outburst are completely unacceptable and uncouth! 

Ladies of the sixties only ever dab their tears with dainty little embroided hankies. And if any reaction but that follows, the lady must be crazy.

And all crazy ladies go to the torture house. 

Very creative methods used in order to secure the betterment of the patient: Strait jackets, lobotomies, yard long needles, and brain numbing serums- And ofcourse the pleasant ambience. 

"Where are we going?"My voice quivers.

"We're taking you away from here"

"Away from here?" I repeat in a melancholy state.

"Yes" I dont meet the officer's eyes, but he has a kind tone in his voice."We're sending you somewhere where you'll be able to get better."

So off she is, wheeled and dumped.

White Walls: 

But Addy fights the system. She refuses to succumb to their probing. And finally, after months of devisee  planning, and careful timing, with the assistance of her cell mate Aurora, she escapes. Aurora doesn't.[We shall know more about Aurora O'Reilly's POV in So Far Gone  which will be a short series of Novellas. I suppose we will also know more about her jail-time with Addy.]

Addy runs and runs, barefoot and in her ratty uniform, and eventually fastforward to the hospital scene. Where in she meets Dr.Watson.

Dr.Watson though efficient and attentive, seems rather a little aloof and hostile.

But Addy breaks through his shell and he hers. 

Healing and patching together old wounds.

Its a trial, but its beautiful.

"I love you,"he breathes into my mouth."I never thought I'd ever say that to a woman."

"I love you too" I say.

I never thought I'd tell a man that twice.

Beautiful Nightmare:

I am a mother

I have a child.

I am married to a wonderful, wonderful man..

Adelaide and Elijah get married. They have a little girl, Willow. 

I sing to her a song Mommy used to sing to me,

"Little bird,little bird spread your wings and fly.

Little bird,little bird soar through the sky" 

They are content. And loved. And incandescently happy. After a life of pain and heartache, the taste of happiness is the most precious and pure elixir to taste.

Their elixir drys out-in one single moment as fast as a single drop of water fizzles away into hot caked ground.

When Adelaide takes Willow out for a ride in their car, she glimpses a strange but terrifying site,a mirage perhaps? She sees the sight of her Daddy. Swinging her silver locket, Tick tock tick tock- 

Unnerved she swears of the road.

A crash.

Metal and fumes. 

Blood. 

And silence.

Then crying. A baby's cry.

Disoriented and wounded, with a blow to the head, Adelaide suffers what might have just been shock and a mild amnesia, she's confused as to where she is, and whose child the baby is.

So she picks up the baby,and walks and walks and walks. Aimlessly, hoping for someone to come to her aid.

A sharp pain. 

Adelaide miscarriages and looses her unborn child, and collapses onto the ground.

Due to substantial amount of blood loss among other injuries, She goes into a coma; unclear if she will ever wake.

When she finally does wake,She finds that Elijah is dead.
Not being able to handle the potential death of his wife, in despair and devastation,Elijah had committed suicide. 

The crippling grief that she succumbs to when this is revealed, causes her mind to relapse.

All her memories of him are locked away into a locker drowned in her sea of despair, And her mind figures there never was any 'Dr.Watson'.

Because if there was no Elijah, she would n't have to feel the overwhelming pain she does.

No Elijah who helped her sooth the gaping wounds imposed apone her when she lost Damien.

So if Elijah never existed, then who would patch her cracked soul?

So I suppose she figured, Damien must be alive.

A survival tactic- Denial.

Eventually she's dumped back into Oak Hill... Ah, Good ol' Oak Hill..

At one point, all I ever wanted was to be saved and now I find it strange that I ever hoped that that dream would come true.I also think its crazy that I thought I'd make it out of Oak Hill when in reality that thought was a fantasy. This place is a blood-thirsty leech, it feeds and feed and feeds on you until you're bled dry.
The funny thing is, I've been bled dry for years, and I'm still here.

And in the initial years of her jail-time commences Insanity. A good part of which does n't exist. Because, it was all in her head. Hallucinations.

It was a way of her mind telling her the truth.

So each person that she ever cared about played their roles. Aurora the crazy but sane cellmate. Damien her knight in shining armour,come to rescue her..though fragments his memory marred by the cruelty of her daddy's essence.His ever abiding presence, tied down to the crime he committed on the boy she loved. Elijah the doctor. The doctor who helps her realise that Damien is dead. Now that you think about it, perhaps thats why she was afraid of him, because he was the deal-breaker. The one whose secret would shatter her. 

And then there was her daughter.

But the closes she comes to what we assume is recovery and a HEA, is really just a step closer to further sorrow and hurt... 
Sometimes I think it would have been better had she then forever lived in the delusion of Damien.... But, I know if that had been the case, the very last few days of her life would have been quite different. And the forever of her afterlife. 
But it still hurts, knowing Adelaide was a fighter.She was intuitive. She made her way through.
She got out.
It hurts..she tried you know? She did it. She did it. She recovered, bruised but better. She fought every turbulence trying to whip her out. 
She was a fighter.
Until she had nothing to fight for anymore-that she knew of at least.aka Willow. But thats a different matter. 

And thats a basic summary of the fragments of events pieced together of this trilogy. Hope it helped.

Beautiful Nightmares #2

                                 Beautiful Nightmares

                           -Lauren Hammond

#2

              I have just had a mug of warm Kashmiri tea. The way tea ought to be drunk, without thick milk diluting its essence, that is. 

Warm and clear amber, like roasted honey, but not stickily sickly sweet, rather soothing and fluid- Like Elijah's eyes. 

The complete opposite of Damien's frozen sapphire glaciers.

But those eyes would exert a warmth completely contrary to the frigid fumes you would expect. They would melt into pools of clear caribbean or into waves of tumultuous blue soda fizz.

His heart was sincere and his soul untouched.

 The kind of boy you can't help but love,despite your reservations. Basically the guy girls crush on, boys wanna hang out with & parents see bright and dazzling futures for....

And Elijah?On the surface he was a avenging angel, solid and cold as the earth that makes the marble stone of his hard lines and perfectly sculptured curls. But under that stone, cackling beneath was a man, broken and hurt and yet so full love. He was intensity in motion. 

Two men. Not so similar. One barely a man really...

But they have something definite in common.

They fall in love with a girl with raven hair and pale skin and beautiful haunting violet eyes. 

And she will be the cord that binds them three.

She will be the string that binds together  a series of events that will have destroyed lives. Destroyed hearts and destroyed minds.

Not the reason.

No, the reason would be a wolf in sheep's skin. 

Her father.

We don't know what makes him. We just know he was a monster. We just know that sometimes, Monsters. Win.
              This trilogy is not about a "love triangle" but it could be. It could be a lot of things.
Its about redemption and devastation, love, joy, hope, denial, terror, ecstasy. Dreams and nightmares. And a valley of screams and a silence that crawls all over you. A Juxtaposition.
This is a story that should not be told. The fine print that everyone knows of. You tell stories of survivors. And heroes. And martyrs.
Stories that formed the core of our history, our world today. 
This is the story of the crazy lady mentioned in passing, Of the broken batty old man strolling a empty pram down the street, cooing to that little baby only he sees;
The story of the shadows we ignore. The thing about shadows, they never leave, they're a mirage of darkness and a trick in a certain slant of light. They are but a reflection of flesh and blood, and yet a being in themselves... 
But one thing this story does do, it inspires you. 
*Sigh*
                  If you have read Insanity, you will have cried. 
Perhaps not have been taken by utter surprise, but the glaring truth would have still been too bright to face. After swallowing that despair, and going through a multitudes of emotions, all in a flash of a few seconds, and after that little taste of delirium, you'd be left wanting to know more...
To see the cracks and creases slowly patch themselves up, to sooth your jagged feelings. 
So come White Walls, and you have questions answered (while others take their place -_-) and you will have felt a bit of turbulence, a taste of confusion and accelerating joy.
And then comes Beautiful nightmares...
Its all good and happy and peediddy! 

Your smiling and heart is puffing up with well deserved joy and contentment-
Until, You don't.
Until you realise a lot of what you've read before? 
Does. not. even . exist. 

annnd that brings along the Questions.
The Theories and Realisations. 
The back and forth Contemplations.
The ever present numbness and dissatisfaction.
So lets get to it then:
Note: Theses questions are zooming through my head, don't try and figure them out, I'm just venting ranting raving raging
Why did Elijah give up?! Why could n't he have hung on? Why could n't god give him a glimpse of reassurance? Just a peak-a-boo through his binoculars? Why would n't Damien ever leave? Why did her daddy have to steal everything away from her? Why did n't she have more leverage?Elijah saves her from the mental asylum right? But then he died before that?......................... cue Headache -

Beautiful Nightmares #1

                           Beautiful Nightmare 
                            -Lauren Hammond
#1:
   I happen to have a case of slugg head. I suppose I'm just feeling a little surreal. Fingers hovering over the keys, and it one of those times when I'm not sure how to say what i think I'm supposed to feel. Writing, its always supposed to come naturally you know?
Much easier than saying even a few words in front of a crowd, or even a select few people.
I'll start with one word. One word of more consequence than all that I've said so far.

Lets take a detour. 
Once when I younger, During mass, the priest gave a sermon on faith in God. And listened and tried to understand. He said, that when travesty strikes, we screech to the heavens "WHY?!" He said we can't question Gods motives. We can't even begin to understand them.
And I thought, "Well, yeah, because god's like this Merlin in a high tower, whereas we can't see a step ahead of our next spell- "
Repercussions, and consequences, and the Butterfly effect.
But in simple terms, I got the whole concept.
And at this particular point, I feel like I have way too many words in my head, Not like its going to explode, rather like they're deflating out of me 2 dozen at a go, and soon I'll be left with nothing to say again.

So for now, I'm going to side-step the "God" conversation, It will only mess my head up. Further. I should just get to it.